Archive | September 2012

Can I Hide?

TRYING TO HIDE

I RIP UP ALL THE DOCUMENTS THAT WOULD CLUE YOU INTO ME. CHANGED MY NAME TO ANGEL DOLL AND STOLE A HALO TO HIDE MY IDENTITY.

I DELETE ALL THE VOICEMAIL MESSAGES AND ERASE THE E-MAIL TOO. I WILL TAKE A MILLION EXTRA STEPS JUST TO KEEP MY TRUE SELF FROM YOU.

IF ONLY THE WORLD WOULD UNDERSTAND I WOULD CEASE TO LIVE IN FEAR. BUT DAY TO DAY IN MY SOCIAL LIFE IGNORANCE IS ALL I HEAR.

IF I TOLD YOU THE TRUTH WOULD YOU STILL BE MY FRIEND OR WOULD YOU RUN AND HIDE. IF I TOLD YOU THE TRUTH WOULD YOU TREAT ME THE SAME OR WOULD YOU FEEL I DESERVE TO DIE.

YOU MAY FEEL IN YOUR HEAD THAT YOU’LL BE THE SAME TODAY AS YESTERDAY BUT I HAVE HEARD THAT BEFORE AND IN THE END I KNOW YOU WILL RUN AWAY.

BEING ME IS DIFFICULT A NEW STRUGGLE COMES WITH EACH NEW DAY. I HAVE GOTTEN TO A POINT WHERE FOR MYSELF I REFUSE TO KNEEL DOWN AND PRAY.

I FEAR THAT THE CREATOR HAS PUT ME HERE AS A SPONGE TO ABSORB THE PAIN. I TRY SO HARD TO FIT IN I JUST DRIVE MYSELF INSANE.

TRYING TO HIDE MY REALITY I DRIFT INTO A ONE PLAYER GAME PUTTING ON MY MASK I ACCEPT THE TASK OF RUNNING AWAY FROM MY SHAME.

I wrote this poem about 3 years ago when I was just tired of being “that girl with HIV” I didn’t want to walk in my shoes any longer so I tried to take them off. I did every thing I could to get rid of those shoes but despite how hard I tried they are still here.

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All i have to say is that…

“All i have to say is that hiv/aids has a grisly effect on the human body and the fact that it can be spread so easy is scary, and im not saying the meds are a bad thing but what people need to understand is that hiv/aids isn’t going to go away any time soon and with the rates of infection so high. I feel that to truly stop this disease a viral genocide has to happen, im sorry for saying it but its the further generations that count” -youtube subcriber graybrian22

Ignorance is still very much alive. Instead of taking the responsibility of getting tested, learning,¬†and passing the information on how to protect ones-self some people have a belief that HIV will go away if we just get rid of positive people. I say to the people who feel like this is a solution. YOU might need to go get tested! it is that type of thinking that makes this virus spread the way it does. Those who feel that the virus will be gone if you kill of positive people I ask this question, do you think a girl who looks like me and feels healthy like me would ever opt to be tested knowing that a positive result would mean she has to be killed? I was born this way. I had HIV before I ever did any thing to put myself at risk so I would run from testing centers thinking I had nothing to worry about. this would be worst than me knowing and taking the proper steps to prevent spreading the virus. The truth is the majority of the people who are spreading the virus don’t even know they have it.