Positively Pregnant!!!

All my life I could be quoted saying I don’t want kids! Something about the fact that I have never heard any woman brag about how great it felt to give birth. I still cry when I have to get a shot at the doctors! Pain has always been something I ran from, in fact, I would tell people I’m allergic to pain. Following my last relationship an old friend came back into my life and he started to tell me how he was ready for a second child. His first just made it to Jr. high school and he thought this was perfect timing to work on number two. He told me that he thought I would make a great mom because he saw how I was with all the other children in my life. I never thought anyone would seriously consider having a child with me. HIV is still stigmatized heavily and no one would intentionally do anything that might put their child at a disadvantage. So I began to think about it. I do love caring for children, and teaching them, and watching them grow. I will be 30 years old next year, and if I’m going to be a mom, I should get to it while I am still young and energetic enough to run through the park with my child. Plus I am 100% sure that my baby can be born HIV negative. I have many friends that are living with HIV and have beautiful, happy, healthy, HIV negative children.
I spoke with the young man about all the options available for him to safely impregnate a positive woman. We talked about PrEP and the advantages of taking the one pill daily to prevent him from possibly contracting HIV from me while we took the risk of having sex without a condom. We did some research and together found out that chances of me transmitting the virus were extremely low do to the fact that I am adherent to my meds and therefore my viral load is undetectable. He wanted to keep it as natural as possible so he choose not to try PrEP.
Three months after he and I had that conversation I found myself searching the local CVS Drug Store for the best pregnancy test. I’ve now been pregnant 19 weeks and he is still HIV negative! My pregnancy is going along well. I take my meds every day and I see my doctor regularly. I have so many concerns when it comes to bringing a new life into this world, but I feel they are the same concerns that every new mother might have. Will I be a good mom? Can I provide a safe and happy home? I’m not currently employed and the dad JUST lost his job so I’m super concerned about being financially able to do for my baby. I know I have love and support from my family and friends but as mom I need to be able to give my baby the essentials. Its grind time and I’m more determined then ever to make this work. I have watched my mom stretch dollars my entire childhood. She never let the lights go out and we always had food on the table. God was there each day and I know he will be there for me for the rest of my days. I just need to keep my motivation, stay in prayer, and understand that everything will work out in the end. Yes it will be hard at times but I will not give up!
One thing I’m not concerned about is transmitting HIV to my baby. I have one of the best doctors and I’m still undetectable. I try very hard not to miss doses of my meds as long as I keep the virus suppressed in my system my baby will be fine!

2 thoughts on “Positively Pregnant!!!

  1. Thanks for being courageous and for taking tactical measures to ensure that your child and their father are safe.
    However, your man should get on PrEP as soon as possible because your child will need guidance of at least one of your the parents. He should know that when the body/virus strikes and it won’t ring bells unless if it’s proven that you’re a discordant couple.
    I love you, I follow your posts even on youtube, and my prayers are for you to get through, and I believe and know you will!

  2. I thank you for your comment and concern however I am a tad bit offended by the fact that you assume I won’t live to guide my child and the fact that you sentenced the father to death just because he made the choice to be with me. My medication works and I have been undetectable for over a year.Due to the fact that I am undetectable the chances of me transmitting the virus to him is slim to none. Its comments like the one you made that make people who are living with HIV feel like they cant live normal healthy lives. People always seem to feel its ok to talk to those with HIV like they have an expiration date. Why not proclaim life for me and my partner (who is still and will remain HIV negative)

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